Finding, Loving, Keeping
by Voldemort's fluffy unicorn
Summary: Set after Hannibal (movie). Clarice falls into depression, confused about her feelings for Dr. Lecter. Ardelia realises the only way of saving her friend is to find the man who put her in this mess...
1. Prologue

It was dawn when Ex-Special Agent Starling started running. She took her favourite route in Virginia State Park. Clarice liked running. It made her feel free. The wind in her face, her feet thudding her ground. She was breathless, but she kept going.

She needed to clear her head, again.

The sun was beginning to come up. The only sounds around Clarice were birds chirping in the trees and the leaves rustling under her feet. She thought about her visitor, who was currently laying asleep on her couch. She thought about their conversation and his revelations. She would honestly rather dig up a body than profess anything to anyone.

Clarice Starling was a warrior woman. Strong and tough, but cowered away from the sight of love. That's what she was doing now. When she was younger and wanted to escape, she hid in her room and would sit there for hours on end. Now, she ran. It cleared her head of crap and let her think about what was really bothering her. She had to decide what she was going to do. A decision that would change her life forever. She couldn't call Ardelia because she was the one who put her in this mess and she was mad at her. Clarice was doing perfectly fine on her own.

Of course, this wasn't true. Her drinking, which had begun as no cause for concern, was now a big problem. She wasn't eating or sleeping. Clarice's mind was a black hole. It kept sucking her in deeper and deeper until she surrendered to it. It fed on whiskey and her tears. It could not be sated. And she blamed it all on him. Her visitor. The man sleeping on her couch.

The intelligent, intriguing and fascinating Dr. Hannibal Lecter M.D.

A/N: Hey guys! Sooo... a bit out of my league here. It's short, but it's just to give you an idea of what I'm thinking. If you want me to continue, please reveiw/PM me and let me know!

Muchos love,

Chloe aka Voldemort's fluffy unicorn


	2. Chapter 1: The Dark

**DISCLAIMER: Probably should've done this earlier. I don't own Hannibal Lecter (sadly) or any other character in this fic. They all (luckily) belong to Thomas Harris.**

2 months previous

It was a warm Tuesday afternoon. Clarice Starling and Ardelia Mapp had just recently moved into a new house, not too far from Quantico but far enough that Clarice didn't have to look at it. It contained too many horrible memories. Clarice was sitting in their new kitchen, reading a newspaper, glass of whiskey in hand. Her father used to do the same thing at three o' clock every afternoon. Unlike her father, however, Clarice didn't stop after one glass. Usually, you could see the bottom of the bottle by seven o' clock. The routine gave Clarice some comfort and it reminded her of her father.

This Tuesday afternoon, however, things were going to change. Ardelia was sick and tired of coming home to find her best friend asleep on the couch, empty bottle beside her. The afternoon in question, she came home early, to find the glass perched in Clarice's hand. Ardelia was worried. This was not like her. Ardelia Mapp was the kind of person to get to the bottom of a situation before he got worse. This was not the case with Clarice. Ardelia didn't know what to do. Even though they lived in the same house, Ardelia rarely saw her room-mate. When she wasn't running, she was hiding in her room. And when she left her room, Ardelia could smell the alcohol off her. Ardelia watched Clarice get thinner and thinner. Her eyes were beginning to sink into her head. Ardelia was going to lose her cool with Clarice. She tried to get her to stop:

Ardelia put her foot down."You can't do this to yourself anymore Clarice!"

Starling looked up from her paper and took off her sunglasses. "What?" she was surprised at her friend's sudden outburst.

"This! Drinking, not eating or sleeping. It's got to stop. You've got to stop this now."

"I will when I can. Just not now." was all Clarice could respond.

"Oh, and when will that be? When you're god-damn liver _explodes_?! No, it stops now. I'm bringing you to an AA meeting."

"Wait, what? I'm not going to some AA meeting!"

"You're an alcoholic, you need to go." Clarice was shocked. She didn't know what to didn't know what was really going on with Clarice. She thought the drinking was caused by the job loss. Trying to help her, Clarice got a job as a waitress in a local bar. Clarice wasn't the best waitress in the world but Ardelia knew the boss.

"I'm not going. I'll stop in my own time. I don't need the media getting a hold of this."

That night, Clarice went running again, anything to get him out of her head. The running helped clear her head, but she could still feel him. The whiskey help numb her thoughts.

**He watched her as he did before. Silent, deadly, predator watching his prey. Crouched, hidden, taking in her scent.**

Clarice was slowly descending into the deep dark pit that is depression. She didn't know why, but every time she thought about it, her mind drifted to Lecter. He had not left her mind. She can't get rid of him. Running helps, but she can still hear his voice and feel his lips. It killed her inside. She was too afraid to tell anyone. Imagine walking into a therapist's office, sitting down and saying "I'm in love with a murderous cannibal!" She wouldn't exactly get the best response.

Clarice was at a dead end. She wouldn't talk to Ardelia. She was afraid it would be too much of a strain on their relationship.

One day, while Clarice was out running, Ardelia broke into her room. What she saw shocked her. The walls were covered head to toes in newspaper articles and pictures, all on the subject of one man: Hannibal Lecter.

Ardelia checked Clarice's laptop. All of her searches were of sightings and theories as to where he was. "Oh Clarice." Ardelia sighed to herself. She saw a scrap of paper on the ground and picked it up. It simply said " Would he stop if I said I loved him?" Ardelia put everything back where she found it. She went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She began to think and suddenly all the pieces of the puzzle came together. Of course, Clarice was in love with Hannibal. That would explain why she had been acting strange since their last encounter. Poor Clarice. She was obviously lost and confused with her feelings. Ardelia felt her friend's pain At that precise moment, Ardelia Mapp, the woman who always had the answer, finally had the answer. She would do whatever it took to help her best friend. She would find Hannibal Lecter.

Ardelia was going to go grey because her love for Clarice. Damn her, she thought.

A/N: So what do you think? BE NICE xD Thank you for the positivity so far, I need it :') PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! You've no idea how happy reviews make me :)

Muchos love,

Chloe x


	3. Chapter 2: Life Goes On

When Hannibal travels, he travels light. He has no need of clothes or money. He has properties in every corner of the world each under a different pseudonym. He has friends in each country. They don't know who he really is of course. He wouldn't be sloppy. He wouldn't risk his freedom over a silly mistake. This makes it easy to go about undetected.

When keeping a close eye on someone, you have to expect the unexpected. Be ready to run, jump, hide. Hannibal watched many people in his time.  
Many were easy to follow, their movements easily predicted, too stupid to deviate from their daily routines. None were quite as unexpected as Ex Special Agent Clarice Starling. No two days were the same with Clarice. Running about after her was like running after a small child.

Today, as he followed her as she went about running errands, he chose an uncharacteristic outfit of jogging shoes and a tracksuit. Like Lecter, Clarice wore nimble trainers, which came in handy as she ran from bank to dry cleaners.  
To an outsider, and Hannibal, she looked like she hadn't a care in the world. She seemed happy and carefree, Hannibal noted, satisfied that she wasn't upset. However, he didn't see her when she closed her front door.

Clarice had to get out of the house. The walls were closing in on her. The darkness was becoming too much. The job at the bar was too mundane for her. Not that she wasn't grateful to Ardelia for getting her the job, she needed something more physical, more challenging.

Getting ready for work was a good routine for Clarice to stick with as it didn't involve alcohol. As she began to prepare for the night shift, Ardelia was in the hall kicking off her boots. Before Clarice raced up the stairs she turned to her friend.  
"Did you do something new with your hair?"  
Ardelia was confused. "Yeah, like two weeks ago." At least she noticed this time, Ardelia thought.

As Clarice was getting ready to leave she asked Ardelia, "Any plans for tonight?"  
"Not really, I was just gonna sit here, do some research."  
"Oh, ok, see you later. Don't wait up." She slammed the door.  
As soon as she left, Ardelia got out her laptop and began the hunt.

Hannibal found the house. He explored the perimeter of the house and surrounding area. He was checking the neighbour's houses when he saw her. She was wearing her work uniform of a t-shirt and shorts. He watched her run down the steps of the house, mesmerised by the way her hair shone under the moon. Her legs were very shapely, as were her feet. He watched her get into her car and drive away. Tut tut, no seat belt Clarice, he thought. He decided there was nothing for him to do until she returned so he followed her.

Working near people wasn't exactly the best idea for Clarice, but it stopped her from going over the edge. She put on her best smile as she entered the pub. "Hey Clarice." some of the regulars called. "Hey Bobby how you doin'?" Her favourite regular was sitting at the same stool he had been sitting on for the last forty years. He knew her father.  
"Hey sweetie, how are ya?"  
"I'm mighty fine Bobby."  
She went in the back office to store her bag in her locker and tied her apron around her waist. Samantha, the manager walked in. "Hey Clarice, how are you tonight?"  
"Hey Sammy. Busy?"  
"Not too bad. Most of them have gone home now."

The bar was small, warm and cosy. It reminded Clarice of her grandmother's house. The strong smell of tobacco brought back the memories of her grandmother puffing smoke into her face. Andre, the chef, was in the kitchen flipping burgers. "Hey girl."  
"Hey." she greeted as she grabbed lemon slices out of the fridge for the drinks she was serving.  
Sammy came up to her. "Someone just came in."  
"I'll take care of it." said Clarice. A man seated himself in front of the fire. He was wearing a tracksuit and a baseball cap. "Hello sir, what can I getcha today?" Clarice put on her best innocent smile as she took the man's order. "A glass of water, please." "Right away." She went and got the drink when she got the sudden smell of cloves. They brought back memories. _Clariiiice._ _The way he said her name was like a caress. _Her throat began to close up. _His soft lips on hers. They way he made her feel like a Goddess with a simple touch. _CRASH. The glass fell.

"Shit!" Clarice exclaimed, as the glass cut her hand. She grabbed a tea towel quickly to stop the blood dripping on her clothes. The man's nostrils widened and he smiled as he looked up under his cap. He left without Clarice noticing. Her hand was much more important. We will be reunited soon, he thought to himself.

Clarice bandaged her hand and went home, desperate to drown her sorrows. Ardelia was asleep on the couch. Her night of hunting proved futile, she found nothing. She was at a dead end. It was impossible to find Hannibal Lecter. You had to wait for him to find you.

**SOO? Is it okay? Please review, you've no idea how much it means to me! 3**

**Muchos love, **

**Chloe**


	4. Chapter 3: Love Above Everything

**A/N: I'm really sorry I'm so slow! But I'd honestly prefer to take my time to give you a fairly good chapter than to just write whatever pops into my head (wait, that's what I do anyway!). I feel as if there is no content in this whatsoever so I'm trying to make it easier to read at least. Anyways, Enjoy!  
****Disclaimer: The usual "Blah I hate my life, I don't own any of the characters I'm using. I could never be smart enough to create Hannibal Lecter!"**

Ardelia decided to talk to Clarice and find out how she really felt. She woke up and plodded down the stairs in her slippers to find Clarice sitting at the kitchen table watching the news on their little portable television which was seated on the counter.  
"Probably hoping for news on Lecter." Ardelia thought to herself.  
She sat opposite Clarice, arms crossed 'interview' face on. Clarice knew this look and knew something was up.

"What's wrong Dee?" she asked warily.  
"I went into your room a few days ago, when you had left for a run."  
"Ardelia! I thought we promised never to go into each others rooms without permission!" Clarice was shocked that Ardelia would do this, it was completely out of character.  
"I know, but I was worried about you. I saw your room, Clarice. I understand why you've been the way you were for the last few months."  
"I'm sorry I din't tell you, I couldn't. I was ashamed, scared embarrassed. I understand if this is too much for you. I can leave if you want me to." Clarice really didn't want to leave. Ardelia was like her family. She couldn't bear life without her.  
"You're not going anywhere! I'm here for you, always. You shouldn't be afraid to tell me anything, Clarice. I love you." Ardelia reassured her.  
Clarice exhaled, "Thank you, Dee."  
"I need you to tell me stuff though." "Anything, I promise."  
"So, do you love him?" Ardelia wasn't one for sugar coating. She got straight to the point.  
"I don't know Dee, I just don't know. I'm so confused! In my head, all I can hear is Chilton calling him a monster and the eyes of society looking down on me. In my heart, I see this courteous, intelligent gentleman. I've never met a man like him before. And I'm not talking about the cannibalism. I don't even think about that when I think about him. I'm not in love with Hannibal the Cannibal, I'm in love with Dr. Hannibal Lecter. The man behind that hideous mask. And we can never be together, you know? He's a wanted man and there's nothing I can do about it. That's what makes me depressed. All those short relationships that meant nothing when I was younger, I could be in those and I didn't want to be in them. Now I want to be in a relationship and I can't be in it!" The tears were streaming, hot down her cheek. Her throat was closed up. She was beginning to hyperventilate.

Ardelia walked over to her and put her arms around her friend. "I think it's okay. I mean, you're just two 'normal' people in love. There's nothing peculiar about it. And her, one person down, six billion to go!" She tried to lighten the mood a little.  
Clarice took deep breaths and wiped under her eyes.  
"Ugh, is this what being in love feels like? I don't think I can handle feeling like this forever."  
"So you're serious about him?"  
"Very. Although, chances of finding him are very slim. You have to wait for him to find you. That brilliant man knows how to hide himself."

That night, Clarice thought about her feelings. Since the last time she saw Hannibal and he kissed her, it felt as if he took the sun with him. She never heard birds sing. There was no light around her. Just gloom and sadness. There was no light at the end of her tunnel. She knew she would never be able to find Hannibal, let alone be with him. But still, she could dream a happier life for them. And that's what she did. That night, the lambs didn't scream.

Ardelia felt very happy with herself. When Clarice went to bed that night, she danced around the room. She had found him. She couldn't believe it. But with a little help from some 'friends', she found Lecter staying at a B&B not too far from them. She had to plan how this meeting was going to happen though. She had contacted Lecter and was now currently waiting for a reply. She was living on a prayer.

Ardelia checked in on Clarice before she went to sleep. She peeped in to find her friend smiling happily in her sleep, wrapped up in her blankets.

"Maybe there is such a thing as a happy ending," Ardelia pondered, as she nodded off to sleep, excited for the outcome of the next few days.

**As always, review! It makes my day. I adore every single one of you little people.  
Muchos love,**

**Chloe x**


	5. Chapter 4: Phone Calls

Ardelia has been on many strange dates in her lifetime. She's been out with firefighters, doctors, struggling actors and porn stars. She felt as if she would never settle down, she was too picky or stubborn, she wasn't sure which). She wanted to help her friends settle down though. She liked playing matchmaker, even if it wasn't for herself. So this 'date' she was planning was Ardelia reprising her role as matchmaker, again.

Two nights before, Ardelia got a call on her mobile. It was the most highly anticipated phone call of Ardelia's life. She didn't even wait this impatiently for an ex-boyfriend to call after a night out. Clarice was at work, so she didn't have to worry about anyone eavesdropping or ruining her plan. She stood up, cleared her throat.

"Dr. Lecter?"  
"Depends who's asking."  
"My name is Ardelia Mapp, Clarice Starling's best friend."  
"Ah, Ms. Mapp, I believe you are to be congratulated. No-one has ever succeeded in finding me."  
"Well, my mama would blame it on my stubbornness. I never stop 'till I get what I want."  
"To what do I owe the pleasure of your searching, Ms. Mapp?"  
"Well, it's Clarice you see. She hasn't been the same since your last... encounter. Don't worry, I fully support the two of you."  
"Support us? In what." Lecter sounded confused. Now so was Ardelia.  
"I-well, I-"  
"Spit it out please, Ms. Mapp, I'm rather very curious now."  
"Sir, Clarice is in love with you." Straight to the point, no bull-shit. The line became silent.  
"Dr. Lecter, sir? Are you still there?"  
"I would very much like to meet you, Ms. Mapp. Say, at Joe's diner tomorrow at noon?"  
"That'll do just fine doctor, thank you."  
"And I thank you for your trust, Ms. Mapp."  
"Goodbye Dr. Lecter."  
"Toodle-pip, Ms. Mapp."

Clarice was feeling pretty good about herself recently. Her talk with Ardelia helped lift some of her worries off her shoulders. She was currently cleaning out their cupboards when Ardelia came into the kitchen.  
"Do you want to go out tonight?" Ardelia asked her.  
"Maybe. Maybe just for dinner, I don't feel like dancing." Clarice answered.  
Ardelia wasn't going to be picky. It was the first time Clarice answered yes to going out in a very long time.  
"Right, I'll book us a table at that nice little Italian you like."

**A/N: It's short, it's crap, it's the result of horrible writers block! Sorry but it's a bit of a filler but... ya know xD**

**Muchos love,  
Chloe x**


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